Monday, May 31, 2010
memorial day
Ok. So it is Memorial Day. A day of family and BBQ's right? That is what I use to think. But today it has hit me. What a day of sadness. I did not lose my son to a military war but I certainly know the pain of the grief that their family members feel. I try to imagine how they get through this day. I am saddened that the real meaning of the holiday is lost. I could not imagine on a day meant to honor my son the rest of the nation was just partying - not even given thought to the men and women who died so that they can do so. Not just men and women - let's be real- someones son or daughter. Just take a few minutes and imagine the pain (not that you can EVER imagine the pain of losing a child unless you have experienced it). I feel certain that the parents of fallen soldiers do not spend today soaking up sun, drinking beer, and complaining about the fact that they have to go back to work tomorrow. I feel these parents have pain that runs deep and is probably escalated to an even higher level of pain today. Please in all that you do, take a minute and remember the soldiers. If you have children, siblings, husbands, or parents (I think that include just about every one) stop and look at them and imagine how you might feel if they were gone. Imagine the pain you might feel if others were celebrating your lost.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Mothers day letter to Eric
May 9 2010
Hello Eric.
Yesterday is was the 11 month mark since you crossed over. Today is mother's day and like any other day – I miss you. I try to keep busy and to remember you are happy, but I still miss you. Today I would like to tell you how much I like being your mom. First and foremost, you make me proud. You always have and always will – nothing you did in life or in your crossing has ever made me ashamed to call you my son. You have a great soul. I know sometimes when you were in this physical world, it depleted your spirit but I always saw it. You are kind and empathetic. You had such a dry sense of humor, and when nobody would laugh you would always say “What – nobody”. Sometimes you would drive me crazy because you always would “choose” to see the negatives in this world. I know it is hard to find good here but there is some. You show me the good a lot now. Now, I know you were just “homesick” for the other side. I imagine in comparison this is a pretty dark place to be. I struggle with the peaks and valleys of grief. But the sadness I carry is my own. It is my own selfishness that wants you back but in my heart I know you are were you need to be. Your world is now full of only peace, love, and kindness. I think the only way you get that here on this side is with a pill, a drink, or a puff – and even then it is pretty short lived. I look forward to the day I can share your new home with you, but my work here is not done. I still have to be here and be a physical mom for your brothers and it is something you once again are helping me with. You make me a better mom. Someday we can all be together again, but until then please remember you are still a part of this family and visit us often – leave us your calling card – a penny out of place, a feather, a ringing phone with no one there, a flickering light – whatever you feel like doing at the time - just make sure we know it is from you. You are always on my mind and in my heart. I love you son and I always will.
Love you forever
Mom
Hello Eric.
Yesterday is was the 11 month mark since you crossed over. Today is mother's day and like any other day – I miss you. I try to keep busy and to remember you are happy, but I still miss you. Today I would like to tell you how much I like being your mom. First and foremost, you make me proud. You always have and always will – nothing you did in life or in your crossing has ever made me ashamed to call you my son. You have a great soul. I know sometimes when you were in this physical world, it depleted your spirit but I always saw it. You are kind and empathetic. You had such a dry sense of humor, and when nobody would laugh you would always say “What – nobody”. Sometimes you would drive me crazy because you always would “choose” to see the negatives in this world. I know it is hard to find good here but there is some. You show me the good a lot now. Now, I know you were just “homesick” for the other side. I imagine in comparison this is a pretty dark place to be. I struggle with the peaks and valleys of grief. But the sadness I carry is my own. It is my own selfishness that wants you back but in my heart I know you are were you need to be. Your world is now full of only peace, love, and kindness. I think the only way you get that here on this side is with a pill, a drink, or a puff – and even then it is pretty short lived. I look forward to the day I can share your new home with you, but my work here is not done. I still have to be here and be a physical mom for your brothers and it is something you once again are helping me with. You make me a better mom. Someday we can all be together again, but until then please remember you are still a part of this family and visit us often – leave us your calling card – a penny out of place, a feather, a ringing phone with no one there, a flickering light – whatever you feel like doing at the time - just make sure we know it is from you. You are always on my mind and in my heart. I love you son and I always will.
Love you forever
Mom
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