Holidays

Easter is tomorrow - another holiday!. I have really grown to hate the holidays. They seem pointless. But just like the holidays before, you know, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years (that one was really hard) and now Easter I will get out of bed and make it as best as I can for the rest of my family. You know how it is, I am the mom and I have to be strong and make it look easy, even when I simply want to curl up and cry my way through the day. Somedays I do do this, I just try to do it in my room or on the phone with my friend Renee crying in her ear. Not in front of the rest of the family, they do not grieve the way I do. I hate that time keeps coming and seems to have no end in sight. My heart hurts and struggles to make it through another day without one of my sons. Holidays are more like horrordays -just an even more painful reminder that Eric is gone. But because I know he would want me to and because I do genuinely love the rest of my family I will do the best I can. I cannot bring myself to do the big family gathering, but I will get up and make french toast and bacon - one of their favorites and spend some time reminding them that their mom still loves and worships them, but than, Eric's mom will be worn out and I will retreat to my room with my tissues, my dogs, and Lifetime movie till my eyes grow weary from tears and fall asleep. In my dreams, Eric is still here and I get another chance to be Eric's mom. Sleep is my friend.